Advent(ageous); carrying the wait of glory

I cannot recall a time of actively participating in the Advent season. Not on purpose, I have just had other things going on during "the busy holiday season."

But this year, the focus seems slower and I see this word surrounding me. Advent - what I have come to understand as a time that we wait in preparation of the birth of Christ.

We wait.

That is the season.

For me, this season is longer than the holidays and bigger than Christmas.

And I have never claimed to be good at waiting. I began to accept this as a character trait and gave into the impatience allowing it to drive my actions and reactions. But God has been gracious in (constantly) letting my patience stretch through the waiting. And just when I think I have it down, I wait again.

Within the waiting, I find myself becoming restless. I think this is partly because we have lost the beauty of waiting. We have become a culture so overstimulated that being without a filler of our time causes us to think something is wrong when it may be the most right place we could be. What makes this difficult is the unfamiliarity with the stillness; the uncomfortable or the struggle that becomes evident in that place.
Look at what you do when you are waiting in line at Starbucks, when you pump your gas, when you find yourself standing in the middle of an almost empty lobby. Reach for your phone? Check instagram? Start making dinner plans?

There is something lost in that moment besides time. That is what this season is calling forth. That time is precious and valuable, but not valued in that precarious moment.

What if we stopped?

And that was it. Just stopped.

What if we allowed our time to be broken in order to feel that gap of the wait? What if we shifted ourselves to be in a place positioned to see the coming of the Christ? What if we sought out the signs and wonders? What if we gave pause to consider the magnitude of the magnificence?

It is through compassionate love that Glory has already made the first move towards you and me; and it is through compassionate love that Glory continues to move towards you and me; and it is because of compassionate love that Glory will return for you and me.

The wait is weighty because the glory is glorious.

(If you would like a tool to help give pause during this season, try this free download of Good News of Great Joy, Daily Readings for Advent by John Piper. A lovely friend passed it on to me and I would love to pass it on to you.)

Tis the Season; the present of the present

It's that time of year when you hear one question on repeat: what do you want?
The answer has changed from year to year- toys, clothes, cooking utensils, money for missions...

As this question comes in due time, this year it has become more like a call to take an inventory of my life- what does it entail, what does it encompass, what is it that I want/what is missing?

In searching through these questions, I find myself looking at my haves and have nots: the tangible things in my life that surround me in daily use. The almost countless books stacked and waiting to be read, the 15 purses hanging in the back of my closet, the 23 different pairs of shoes for a number of occasions, the bobbles of jewelry displayed haphazardly, the pots and pans that sit in the cupboards, the mugs that hang and wait to be used, the six different towels folded neatly and tossed in the closet (really, I have six towels all to myself). Truth is, my haves list is embarrassingly lengthy.

In searching through these questions, I find myself looking at my content and discontent: the areas in my life that I give attention to daily. Truth is that I feel more discontent than ever. And it is not necessarily due to the stuff. There is actually nothing I can think of that would bring happiness (other than maybe a hot pink stand mixer, or some work that needs to be done on my jeep, or a new tattoo). It has more to do with where I give my attention. I find that I am constantly looking for the next step- so much so that I forget to see where I am standing. I take pictures and skim articles and glance through pictures without any of it really sinking in; as though because I have taken that picture or read through the article that moment is saved and I can come back to it when I have some free time- there is no need or purpose in the present other than to get me to the future. Thus, I am discontent with the present. It has become a task that will always be behind the future, thus behind where I want to be.

In searching through these questions, I find myself looking at my calling and my hang-ups: the passion that drives my commitments and the defensiveness I settle into. I am taking inventory of where I am in my life. I happen to be a huge fan of my life. It's times like this I give pause to recount the last year, to see the good the Lord has accomplished through the bad, the glory gained from the miserable places, the grace given in the moments of sharp hurt. Am I continuing to move towards that calling or have I settled for good enough for now?

This place of searching and seeking is a place of stillness and waiting- in the midst of the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. There are presents to buy, people to see, cookies to bake- and there are times to share with the people in my life.

So what do I want? I do not want to miss the present of the present, the wonder in the wait, the moments that matter.